Team Jones return to El Cap

The noise of the helicopter rotors pulsates in my ears.  I didn’t think I had a memory of that four years down the line.  It turns out I do.  The smell of the rock, seeing the helicopter land in the valley makes it all flood back.

Yosemite High and Lows

Anyone got any water?  Mammoth Ledges, El Cap

Two weeks, one third, into our trip.  Inevitably we’ve had a few highs and lows.

Fear in the USA

Returning to Yosemite has made me think about fear. More specifically: the things to be scared of in the USA. Dr Curly has been good enough to give me some advice about his top 3 fears:

No Going Back?

They say that when you fall off a horse, you should just get back in the saddle.  What about if you fall off a big wall?

Dr Curly's Guide to Power Screaming

Recently discovered from the Dr Curly archives.  An article dating all the way back to October 2012.

Everyone loves a screamer, right?  Well this appears to be the craze now sweeping the sport climbing world.  Accompanying the world-renowed Gosforth Punters on their recent triumphant tour of Kalymnos, Dr Curly, (best selling author of Dr Curly's Big Wall Weight Loss Programme), has been investigating this new phenomenon.

Marian Learns to Ski

Earlier this year, Simon and I secured work on the skifields in Queenstown.  With the minimum wage came a free season pass and lessons - a perfect opportunity to become a world class skier.  My aim was SMART: Specific - learn to ski well enough to take it back country; Measured - I had a Spike the Kiwi Ski School report card to gauge my progress; Achievable - Why Aye, Man; Realistic - maybe not so much; Timed - yes 12 - 14 weeks if the snow ever arrives!

A day in the life of a Ski Patrol Doctor

The Office

It's 7am Sunday morning and I'm sat on the "fishy bus" on the way to Coronet Peak.  Forty minutes ago I dragged myself out from under several layers of duvets and blankets in our freezing cold Queenstown home. I could see my breath as I drank the first of the day's mugs of coffee. I still can't quite remember how I decided to apply for this job.  It seemed like a good idea in the heat of a Hawkes Bay summer. I couldn't even ski before I got here...

The Joneses' Guide to Travel Essentials

Inside our Subaru.  Luckily for me I've got short legs!

Now we know how complicated it is to pack for a trip - especially when different climates and activities are involved.  Here's some thoughts to help other packers.

Diary of a Crap Waitress

Day 0: The Job Hunt
Three months until we move to Queenstown. Need to save some money for skis and ski-pass. Hmm – need a job.

Two hours later: have a job at local restaurant.

Dr Curly's Guide to Your First Triathlon

All triathletes need to start somewhere - and it might as well be here. Dr Curly, triathlete of literally hours' experience, has produced a comprehensive guide for the "successful" completion of your first triathlon.  No prior experience required.  Here are some of the highlights:

The Trials and Tribulations of Nursing an Ancient Camper in its Death Throes

  

It seems fitting that the first proper post from our new life in New Zealand is about our campervan.  This one asset dominates our thoughts and finances more than any other possession.  It has provided as many tears and amusements as the two other topics that currently preoccupy our minds – job hunting and future plans!

Moonlight Buttress, Zion

Courtesy of Rita Rosenblum

So here is a little video documentary of our ascent of Moonlight Buttress, a classic aid route in Zion National Park, Utah.  Although it was only 9 pitches high, there was a lot of aid climbing so it took 2 days.  On the first day, we climbed up 4 pitches (I led my first aid pitch), before fixing our ropes and abseiling back down to the ground.  Snow and cold weather were forecast for the next day so that evening we celebrated my birthday with dinner and a few drinks.  On November 11th, we headed back to Moonlight to jug up our fixed ropes and finish the job.

Here's the story (make sure your sound is on):

Christmas Down Under

So we're a bit behind with the blogging.  Still got stuff to add - latest Gro a Fro pix (apparently it's all coming off tomorrow) and a little video documentary of our aid ascent of Moonlight Buttress, Zion.
The problem is - we're now  back in the real world with no time to blog - having arrived in NZ about 2 weeks ago.

Dr Curly’s Guide to a Healthy Rock Climbing Road Trip©

World Exclusive on Keeping up with The Joneses: 

Dr Curly’s Guide to a Healthy Rock Climbing Road Trip©

Dr Curly

Best selling author of Climbing Injuries and How I Survived Them, and Dr Curly’s Big Wall Weight Loss Program, self-proclaimed climbing health expert of many weeks experience, Dr Curly, brings you his latest self-help guide.

Iconic Route Bagged

The temptation proved overwhelming.... The skyline each night and each morning beckoned as we drove the short distance from the campground to the climbing in Indian Creek.  The Six-Shooter peaks stand there in the West, alone above the plateau of the desert, reminding me that there is more to climbing than one pitch cracks with bolts at top, however good they are.

So, after a few days of learning the ropes at "The Creek", it was time.  Lightening Bolt Cracks on North Six-Shooter the objective.  The first problem, the approach.  The Dark Star has fair clearance, but is not 4*4, and this mandated several miles walk in along the jeep road.  We didn't have a map, or any other further directions other than that there would (probably) be a cairn marking the start of the path up the scree to the base of the climbing.  Our luck was in, within 5 minutes of walking up the trail some jeepers stopped their pick-up and we rode in the flatbed for a couple of miles until they started driving in the wrong direction.  There's was the only vehicle we saw all day.

Amazingly there was a cairned trail up through various layers of steep sandy nastiness to the base of the climb proper, which we reached after another hour or so.

The first pitch is the supposed crux (5.11).  As has so often been the case in the desert, this proved to be misleading.  A couple of "thin hands" moves above bomber gear cleared the documented crux section within the first 10 metres of the climbing.  Sweet, I thought, as I cruised up the next section of "perfect hands".   Then came the "offwidth" (5.10).  Damn, no gear big enough and runout about 3 metres above my last decent piece.  The inevitable struggle and more bleeding and adrenalin followed.  But I made it to the first belay.

The second pitch, again 5.10, loomed.  After cruising many routes of the same grade in the Creek it came as a shock to the system as after several aborted attempts of getting off a little ledge 10 metres up, using a "tips crack" (fingertips), I had to resort to jumping for a sloping hold within the crack system. I'm sure a six-footer wouldn't have had the same difficulties! Did I then just blast to the belay?  I wish.  A few metres up came the "fists" section.  Too big to jam, even with "cupped hands" and too small to put in a proper fist jam, I had to resort to torqued fists as I struggled through the overhang, heart pumping and hands hurting.

The last pitch, starting at the apex of a cool overhang, about 100 metres above the base, was the easiest, and most dangerous pitch.  Naturally.  All was well until the last 5 metres below the summit.  Some way above dodgy gear in increasingly sandy and loose sandstone came the infamous "squeeze" (5.9).  So there I am way above the last piece of dodgy gear wedged in this flaring bottomless sand filled chimney squirming my way towards the summit using every single muscle in my body.  I find it hard to describe how glad I was to reach the top.  Stoked comes close.

The summit was of course worth it....

Top Ten Climbing Road Trip Dodgy Smells

So the cold nights are drawing in and this means that we toast ourselves next to a wood fire every evening (sustainably sourced wood only of course).  Consequently, everything we own and wear smells of wood smoke. Luckily, as odours go, this isn't so bad and it does a good job of masking a myriad of other not so pleasant aromas to which we've become accustomed on this trip.

Here's our top ten of dodgy smells:

10. Sun cream. Greasy and full on, although we have smelt less of the factor 40 recently!


9. Climb On. More grease. End of day hand moisturising ritual. Climb On, Dude.


8. Peanut Butter Clif Bars. Having lived on these high energy lunchtime snacks for 10 weeks, the smell is starting to get a bit nauseous.

7. Big Wall Bad Breath. Can get a bit stinky by day 3. Apparently toothbrushes are too heavy for the haul bag!

6. Fear. You know the next pitch will be tricky when your partner starts pumping out this odour!

5. Poo Tube. The chemicals in the wag bags somehow make the poo smell worse! Luckily, this odorous item has now been packed away.

4. Bivvy Ledge. Always stinks! (See Living on the Ledge)

3. Si's Climbing Shoes. I know I'm close to the belay when I catch a whiff of these - it's just amazing how I can still manage to hold on!

2.  Unwashed Climbers.  It's time for a shower when you walk past other tourists and they smell clean!

1.  Eau de Van.  When you open the van doors at the end of a warm day,  the combined aroma of all of the above assails your nostrils!  Pretty Whiffy - thank god for the wood smoke!

Having a Cracking Time

With Simon injured, life in Moab was miserable! Our bike hire funds had run out and our passports were stuck in San Francisco so we couldn't escape. To make matters worse it had started raining. In the desert! Fancy that! We were forced to resort to the very British tradition of sight-seeing in the rain!

Then, we were rescued from depression by a text from Mike and Signe, the climbing Kiwis we had met in Yosemite. They were in town too. Over several beers we decided to escape the rain and head to Indian Creek - a place full of crack climbs - surely hand jams wouldn't hurt Si's elbows!

Mike and Signe.  They revived our climbing trip!

The next day as we drove south along the 191, the silence in the van was audible. Si was more miserable than ever. Now he wasn't just stuck in America and unable to climb, he was going to be stuck in one of the world's best climbing spots and unable to climb. "let's just give it a go" I said, "it's ok" he replied "I'll just sit in the campsite while you go climbing with Mike and Signe". Yeah, right. Like that was ever going to happen!

So here's some pictures of Simon not climbing at Indian Creek!

3am Crack

3am Crack, a little bit higher.

Really not enjoying himself on Pente

Crack Attack

Battle of the Bulge.

The thing is - I really don't like crack-climbing. No style or grace, it's hard to dance up the rock when all four of  your limbs are stuck in a crack. Plus it's really painful! Unlike Simon, I don't enjoy pain! But I was willing to stay here and learn because at least Si could climb here and was no longer living under a black cloud. That's love, that is!

So here's some pictures of me learning to climb cracks plus some shots of the rest of the crew!

We're Jammin'

We're Jammin'

We're Jammin'

We're Jammin'

We're Jammin'

We're Jammin'

We're Jammin'

We're Jammin'

I Hope You Like Jammin' Too!

Welcome to America.  Welcome to the gun show!

Gremlins in the Blog

Help - our blog has been hijacked by gremlins!

You probably can't read this as all the text on our homepage seems to be big and black.  If you want to read a post, click on its title in the side bar and it should appear in a normal size and readable colour!

Moab Mountain-biking Action

So… the inevitable has indeed occurred and I, (Simon), am injured. After much cursing about the lack of tourist facilities in Boulder Colorado, we have arrived in the world famous mountain-biking mecca of Moab in Utah.

Moab is the base for exploring Canyonlands and Arches National Parks and so is full of places to stay for tourists, bikers (both motorised and pedal-powered), “jeepers” and “ATVers”. All good really.

Perhaps a little less extreme than we had anticipated:


Maz reckoned the world famous Slickrock trail wasn’t as good as the routes at Kielder:


So they named this trail after the infamous McMoab of Seven Staines fame:


The Porcupine Rim is a downhill extravaganza of over 1000 metres vertical descent along a gnarly ridge line. So good I've done it twice and tomorrow I'm going to do it again:


The sweet singletrack on the upper section:



With no pads, and even less of an idea, I was taking it easier than usual. Maz's poor camera skills meant I had to do this three times.


The Sovereign Trail system. Designed by motorcyclists. They aren't too sharp when it comes to maps, so they painted a line on the rock so nobody could get lost.

What Simon and Marian Did Next

So apart from one posting, there hasn't been that much activity on the blog recently. Why is that? Try this multiple choice quiz to discover what Marian and Simon did next.

1. After Yosemite, Simon and Marian
a) got married in Reno and have spent the last couple of weeks in a budget motel room in Nevada.
b) got bored of climbing and opted to go on a package cultural tour of the US instead.
c) decided to go to Idaho, that US Mecca of sport climbing!

2. Soon after they arrived at City of Rocks, Marian and Simon
a) realised that the climbing was rubbish, returned to Yosemite, and have been stuck in a 5.8 chimney
    route ever since.
b) had to flee to Colorado to escape a storm and tornado threat.
c) Joined a Born Again Christian cult and are now living with an extended family in Twin Falls.

3. Simon and Marian decided not to stay long in Boulder, Colorado because
a) There was no camping accommodation except for a high level, damp forest that was miles out of
    town and inhabited by “Transients”.
b) their passports are at the Kiwi embassy, and therefore they did not have the appropriate ID to buy
    beer.
c) Si injured himself on a poxy sport route in Boulder Canyon.
d) All of the above. 

4. Which bit of Simon is injured (more than one answer may apply)?
a) his finger
b) his shoulder
c) his neck
d) his wrist
e) his groin
f) his elbow
g) his other elbow

5. Unable to climb, Marian and Simon have decided to
a) go to Moab, a little-known mountain biking town in Utah, and hire full suss machines to partake in
   some slickrock action.
b) return to Newcastle and resume their former lives.
c) open a “Good Time Saloon” on the Nevada border to fund Simon's plan to retrain as a doctor in the
    US

Answers:
Surely you don't need them?!